Bowling Issues

Well it seems I can't stop bowling. I bowl just about everyday, no matter how tired or how much my leg hurts, I can't stop. It's like my bowling ball is calling me. Could be I putting all my stress into my bowling, trying to make myself feel better. I really don't have any clue. On top all it all, but bowling is not getting any better, if anything I am getting worst. How funny is that? I thought when you worked at something and practiced you got better, well not in my case. I know I need a break, but the only way I would stay out of the bowling alley, would be is I was locked up. Sometimes I do feel myself getting tired of bowling, so maybe will come a time I will spend less time there. It won't be long and league will be over, and we'll be starting the fall league. I'm looking forward to that.
Sometimes I get very disappointed in myself, but not much I can really do. Well that is all I have to say right now.

The touch of your hand, the warmth of your kiss. What can I say?
The safety of you arms, the way you love me. I'll never be afraid.
The way your my friend, but also the way your my lover. Love is never far from me. The way the nights are more clear when you are near. There will always be more stars. The way you gave me your best. I'm totally rich with faith.
The way you make me smile even though I have tears. I have to say I am glad you have chosen to be with me, my one true love.

2 more Months

Well in two more months, and it will be a year since We started trying to have another baby.. It was so easy the first time. I guess I am just getting older now and so is he and who knows. Sometimes I am sad about it. I've kind of got use to the fact that it's just not happening, for some reason right now it's just not meant to be I except that now. But I am not giving up either. I want at least one more child. So today I am kind of relaxing, listening to music. Not doing much.
I went and got my hair cut, trying to figure out what to do with it. I'm also been trying to lose weight, I need to so much. I really hate the way I have let myself go. I'm very ashamed of myself, I don't even want to think what other people think of me. For so long I have shut myself out to other people. I'm actually proud of myself, I went and did something with someone other than my husband the other day. Normally I would just stay home with Zach and not do anything. I think going out and bowling as really helped me a lot, and I am meeting other people. Very awesome to actually talk to people I don't know. I think for the first time in a long time, I am really enjoy my life. For the last few it seems I was in a dark lonely hole. I guess it's because I struggle sometimes with depression, but fight hard to be happy. So today I am going to be happy and enjoy life, and take one day at a time. Sorry so random.

Today I am a little Blah!

I could not sleep today.. I think, I think too much.. ( hehehe) I'm a little confused about how I feel sometimes. I really try to be happy. I like to keep life as simple as possible. Although life sometimes does not allow that. Somewhere a long the way, I really think I lost myself. I use to be a very passionate person. I use to love with all of my heart.. Somewhere it just all went away.. I guess I got tired of the pain, of not being loved back the same way. Don't get me wrong I love my husband, but I feel I could love him more.. And I know he loves me, but sometimes I wish he would love me more, and do special things for me without me asking.. But I do know I am loved by him, and he puts up with a lot from me that no one else would..
O.k. I am not very good at blogging.. But I guess it helps to clear the mind..

Bowling..

I think I am going to make this blog page my own personal journal about bowling..
I live eat and breathe bowling as of right now.. I finally found a hobby, I think I needed one, and now I have one.. Today I went bowling can't say I was proud of myself, but I have a lot of work to do, to get better.. Bowling gives me a goal... Being consistent is the name of the game, and it is very hard to do sometime.. But I do love the challenge I get from it. If I am in a bad mood bowling can make me feel better, even if my game sucked.

Life is passing by..

Well lets see I am one year a way from 30.. I've been trying to get pregnant with my second child for 10 almost 11 months now.. Very depressing.. I feel old.. I always wanted 2 or more children now I feel like I can't have anymore children.. I really don't know what is wrong with me.. No I haven't went to the doctor, I'm waiting till it's been a year, so she won't say you have to wait a year.. Hoping things look up soon..